Men will never understand
How tainted intimacy feels
When they do not reach out
The following day.
How dirty and dark
A delicious and beautiful moment
Becomes.
I was on the 7 train with my cousin Gina once and
She was furious
Screaming all this nonsense about
How men protrude while we women
Are an empty vessel,
An empty hole.
How they expel and
We receive.
I didn’t understand her frustration then,
Not until I found myself
Feeling responsible
For the man who had filled my womb
With empty words.
She was right, we carry the burden.
As mothers –
Caring for men, raising them to be
The unfortunate cowards some are.
As lovers –
Pouring affection and attention
They cannot survive without.
And we are left feeling
Emotional
If we question them.
Needy
If, in turn, we need them.
Crazed
If when, upon their abandonment
We lose all sense of self.
“Where’s your dignity,”
They will say to a girl who holds on
“Where’s yours?”
I’ll ask a man who vanishes after being
Rewarded.
That is my frustration today
Men carry on.
They get away with being
Nonchalant
With looking at us as a number
A fun night
A lovely moment
As they think to themselves,
“She knew what she was getting into.
She’ll be okay, at least I didn’t lead her on.”
But they do. They always do.
They pursue.
They attract.
They attach
Like wild animals hunting for prey
But they will not connect.
They cannot connect.
It would be too responsible..
Emotional attachment is foreign to their
Easy existence.
They do not run the risk of feeling
Empty
When they are no longer
Full,
No longer
Filled with lust
With hope for more
With attention
With wanting.
How easy.
I wish I were born a man.
Only I would be a better,
Man.
© Magnified Reflections 2013
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