Home Poetry Life at a Backwards Standstill

Life at a Backwards Standstill

by Stephanie Alfaia

Staring out the window of the Metro North
Watching the world outside run
Sitting beside him wondering
What am I doing,
Where I am going,
Where we
Am I there?
Am I here?
Because it doesn’t feel that way
I feel so far away
And it seems there is nothing
I can do to return
Like this morbid train
Running forward-backwards
While my life is at a halt
An eternal stand still
For I refuse to make decisions.

You see, it’s not change I fear
It’s courage I lack
The courage to do to someone
What has been done to me
Many times over
Move on
I don’t think I can forgive myself
So in turn I live numb
A convenient lie
How selfish.
The one vice I thought I had stripped away
Returning to take full ownership
of who I have worked so hard to become.
I am no better than my father
I am no stronger than my mother
I am no colder than my grandmother
I have become my worst nightmare


© Magnified Reflections 2013
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